Words that seemingly mean little turn out to be one of the most crucial elements in processes such as initiating behaviors, motivation, or decision-making. We think in words, or rather in the meanings we assign, as well as in images and sounds, and all these processes are often automated and unconscious.
Some of the most limiting statements I’ve encountered for years while working with managers are “I don’t believe in myself” and “I lack self-confidence”. This is at once the biggest linguistic lie, as well as a justification, an opinion, but above all, one of the logical traps we fall into ourselves. What does it even mean to say “I don’t believe in myself”? So if “I don’t believe in myself”, then who else do I believe in, i.e., what exactly do I believe about myself? And isn’t belief a direction of thought and action? I ask managers. Do I believe that I am not, for example, Marcin Kowalski but Jan Nowak? After all, then I could be diagnosed as “insane?”. “They’re just words” or “don’t catch me on my words, I meant something else” managers reply.
Words that seemingly mean little turn out to be one of the most crucial elements in processes such as initiating behaviors, motivation, or decision-making. We think in words, or rather in the meanings we assign, as well as in images and sounds, and all these processes are often automated and unconscious. The subconscious gives an impulse to act 7 seconds before consciousness performs a specific action. Consciousness provides a kind of justification for the choice made.1 However, the way I internally name reality, through thoughts, and then communicate them externally, always directs the organization of data that I select in the external world, both for myself and for my interlocutor. The basis for this selection are the assumptions and presuppositions I send through the language I use. When I start speaking: stating, asking a question, or expressing an opinion, I do so based on assumptions – a mental map I have built and hold about people, the world, learning, and myself. In our example, “I lack self-confidence, which is why, for example, I won’t be able to sell product X”, the sender of the message assumes that self-confidence is a necessary condition for success. They also assume that one has more or less self-confidence. So how is it really: when I go to the kitchen to make tea, I have self-confidence, but when I present a product to a client, I don’t? Do I have it or not?
Framed this way, the problem is illogical and difficult for the mind to change, because a lack of self-confidence “becomes me for a moment”, but it’s actually different. The problem is not me. I create the problem through my way of thinking, acting, or perceiving myself. In the examples given above, in some areas of life, I exhibit greater certainty in action, and in others, less. When the problem stops “being me” and I realize that I am creating it in some way, I begin to open up more possibilities for changing my behavior or reactions. When I define the problem in my thinking from the level of identity, i.e., it is me/I have it, then framed this way, it assumes that the problem was, is, and will be. A direction for data organization is automatically set, and as a result, implementing positive change becomes difficult. However, what I can do is ask a question and simultaneously change the direction of my thinking, and consequently my actions: Do I not believe in myself? Do I not believe that I have high competence in presenting or communicating a product to a client? Is it a level of me – identity – or my skills?
“Your attitude is the frame of reference for organizing your way of thinking and behavior; then you have the ability to choose and shape your environment.”2 In achieving desired results, what happens to me or what I fear is less important. The most crucial thing is one’s own attitude, specifically what I do with what happens to me. As Bob Iger, the long-time CEO of The Walt Disney Company, points out, treat a problem not as something that happened to you by chance, but at least try to treat it as something you control, solve, or arrange.3 The problem is not you, and just as “self-belief” is a direction in thinking or one of the ways of thinking about your competencies, skills, or self-perception, which I can change.
So, are “self-belief, self-confidence” a condition for achieving success? From my experience working with people, the answer is no. I have worked and continue to work with managers who fear many aspects of their work and often report “low self-worth”, but they still act despite difficult external conditions and their own limitations in thinking. They have a problem-solving attitude, seeking solutions to achieve organizational goals and their own careers. However, when they realize that self-confidence is actually confidence regarding their own social, business, or personal competence, and not about themselves, it becomes much easier for them to shape their proactive attitude, change their actions, and more quickly achieve what is most important to them.
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